Why am I where I am? Why has God blessed me with so much? Why was I raised in a loving, Christian family? Why was I born in a country where I can worship freely without great fear of persecution? Why me?

Sometimes I wonder if I would be able to make it in this world if it were otherwise. Am I weak? Could I not cope if it were any different? I’m really afraid that I couldn’t.

Acts 5:40-41 says, “They took his advice; and after calling the apostles in, they flogged them and ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and then released them. So they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name.”

Am I not considered worthy? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be beaten or ridiculed, but is the reason I haven’t because God is protecting me, or because I haven’t been doing my job? If God “will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear” (1 Corinthians 10:13), why is it that I keep failing? …I am weak.

I haven’t been sticking my neck out for God; I’m afraid to. At work, for example, many of my fellow interns and student workers are constantly cursing, objectifying women, and just plain crude. I don’t join in, acknowledge, or encourage their behavior, but I don’t discourage it either. I am selfish. I don’t stand up for God… that means potentially making my work environment even more uncomfortable; I don’t want to be ridiculed or rejected.

I am worthy …but am I willing?