Have you ever felt like your life was surrounded by suckiness? Like your own life doesn’t suck, but there’s so much crap going on in the lives of those around you that it brings you down anyway? It’s like I’m in the eye of a storm… it’s calm… the sun is shining… but all I can see around me is darkness, destruction, and suffering. It’s kinda hard not to feel bummed out even though my own life is going fairly well.

I guess it may appear that I’m exaggerating. Darkness? Destruction? Suffering? Can it really be that bad? No, not totally. But there really are a couple of things that very heavy burdens on my heart right now. Unfortunately, they are things that I have no power to change. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last couple of years it’s that no matter what I think, say, or do, people will make their own dumb decisions. Sometimes they don’t know what their getting into. Other times they have the full knowledge and make their choices just to spite the warnings of others.

I can understand that making dumb decisions can be a valuable learning experience for most people. I’ve done it myself. However, the deal-breaker for me are those individuals who make a stupid choice, fall flat on their face, and learn their lesson, yet make it a habit to continue with the same mistake. I know I’ve fallen into this category in the past. I’m not judging anyone. What drives me crazy is that I can’t do anything to stop it. I just want to pull people out of the hole they’ve dug for themselves… but I can’t. It’s all up to them. You can’t help someone out of their hole if they won’t extend their hand and reach for the surface. Why can’t I?

I want so desperately to save you,
but my life still looks like hell.
This crowd that’s gathered all around us
is screaming, “physician heal thyself.”

from “Physician” – Death Comesto Matteson

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